Archive for the ‘Spousal Conversations’ Category
Saturday morning; my wife and her daughter are leaving the house to hit the stores.
She (in Schwarzenegger/Terminator voice): “I’ll be back.”
Me (standard response): “Then I’ll be Beethoven.”
Me (Nosy): “Where are you going?”
She: “To Sam’s and Dillards.”
Me: *The Look*
She: “We’re NOT gonna buy anything! We’re just gonna look. BYE”
1 minute later. She’s back.
She: “I forgot something.”
Me (nosy): “What did you forget?”
She: “My wallet.”
Me (insufferable smarty pants): “You don’t need a wallet if you’re not gonna buy anything!”
She (lovingly dealing with smarty-pant-ism): *smack*
… just not one of mine …
… but it certainly and easily could have been one!
The following is a quote from a book I just finished (and recommended earlier: this is how chapter 21 starts in “The Black Hole War” by the renowned theoretical (theoradical!) physicist Leonard Susskind).
I post it here, because this is a perfect example of the type of conversations my wife and I sometimes have.
One morning, when I went down to breakfast, my wife Anne, remarked that my T-shirt was on backwards; the V shape woven into the fabric was in the back. Later in the day, when I came home from a jog, she laughed and said: “Now it’s inside out.” That set me to thinking: how many ways are there to wear a T-shirt? Anne mockingly said, “That’s the sort of stupid thing you physicists are always thinking about.” Just to prove my superior cleverness, I quickly declared that there are 24 ways to wear a T-shirt. You can stick your head through any of 4 holes. That leaves 3 holes for your torso. Having picked a neck hole and a torso hole, that leaves 2 possibilities for your left arm. Once you decide where your left arm goes, there is only one choice for your right arm. So that means 4 x 3 x 2 = 12 ways to choose from. But then you can turn the shirt inside out, giving another 12, so I proudly announced that I had solved the problem: 24 ways to wear a T-shirt. Anne was not impressed. She replied, “No, there are 25 ways. You forgot one.” Puzzled I asked, “What did I miss?” With a look that would freeze hell, she said, “You can roll it in a ball and shove it …” You get the idea 1.
1. Since writing this, Anne has discovered at least 10 more ways to wear a T-shirt.
Sometimes … you just can’t win.
“What are you looking at?” asked my wife while she walked up behind me, looking at my computer screen.
Me: “something I absolutely NEED!!!”
She: (The look!)
I sighed, and answered “A Digitech RP250 Multi-Effects/Modeling Processor”
“What’s THAT?”, she wanted to know.
Now, HOW does one explain an RP250?
I thought about this for a while …
… do you start by explaining the ‘68 Marshall® 100 Watt Super Lead (plexi) Amp module?
or tell her about the mild-to-wild classic distortion stompbox models including TS-808, DOD® 250, ProCo Rat, Big Muff® Pi?
but then, suddenly, there is Jimi Hendrix and his Vox® Clyde McCoy Wah.
the “USB connectivity for recording, preset editing archiving and downloading and more.” is very cool, but then ..
you spot the “‘81 Mesa/Boogie®* Mark II C”
But wait! There is more!
There is the ‘65 Fender® Blackface Deluxe Reverb!
24 bit, 44.1kHz Sampling rate!
A high quality drum machine with 60 patterns.
The new AudioDNA2 ® DSP super-chip.
A 30-preset Quick Start Effects Chain Library.
And and and ….
And then there is the spousal verdict, very loud, very clear:
“If you don’t know what it is, YOU CAN’T HAVE IT!”
The other night, right after work, my wife went for a nice cool-down swim in our pool.
While happily splashing around she suddenly noticed she wasn’t alone in the pool.
Calmly and quietly she left the pool and called me at work, asking me to come home and escort the intruder off our premises.
Which I did.
(Disclaimer: my description of the manner in which she left the pool may be slightly in conflict with reality)