Archive for the ‘Cats’ Category
Our cats Bonnie and Clyde were due for a visit to the vet.
This is something that my wife usually takes care of, but last time I received reports about extremely bad behavior by Clyde, involving biting the vet and a note in his file that said ‘patient declined procedure’.
So, I wasn’t totally surprised when it was announced the other day that it was MY turn to take the kids to the vet. Which I did. This morning.
Of course, the calm, relaxed and protecting father figure I am, I was sure they would completely trust me and we’d be home before they’d notice we’d left.
There was only one minor issue that I’d overlooked:
Clyde does NOT like having his temperature taken with a rectal thermometer and is NOT shy about making this clear.
To make a long story short .. as early as next week, they start redecorating, if not completely rebuilding, the Minton Animal Hospital.
(It’s now 3 hours later, Clyde is in the closet and hasn’t spoken to me yet .. all I get are dirty looks: I think next year we should try to trick daughter Laurilee in taking them – IF the vet still ‘invites’ them, which is by no means certain -)
I’m watching my two cats, Bonnie and Clyde (you may remember him from this story: link).
They are laying in the windowsill at the open (but screened) window, engaged in their bird watching hobby.
And then suddenly Clyde starts to make one of his spurious sexual advances to Bonnie, by trying to “mount” her. Let me emphasize the word ‘trying‘ here, because Bonnie is having none of this nonsense. You’d think he would learn, because everytime he pulls this stunt, he gets his ears boxed. But the instincts are probably stronger than his common sense. In the mean time Bonnie angrily turns her face to him with an expression of “you‘ve got some balls“.
This, however, is based on an anatomical misconception. He doesn’t! Just like Bonnie is an ‘altered’ female, Clyde is a thoroughly ‘altered’ male. No balls whatsoever. None. Empty sack. Nada huevos. Zero. Nothing there.
Which makes his behavior even more remarkable.
It’s actually quite funny to see, I should video it some day .. it’s this half-baked and ill-advised effort, one paw on her back, then one or two thrust-like movements with his back end, and then he starts watching the ceiling with this puzzled look, as if saying “uhm.. uh.. now what? What am I supposed to do next, how did this work again?“.
This is where Bonnie usually jumps up and pops him one. After which vicious attack he runs away (not seldomly chased after by an angry Bonnie) and hides behind the
stereo 5.1 channel receiver/amplifier.
It’s not always easy to be male …
Dear Mr. Claessen;
Thank you for inquiring about the activities of the celebri-cat Mr. Clyde Claessen, Himself. What follows is a summary of the activities of Himself on the 20th of February, 2007 as of 1400 (east coast time):
0900 – Himself is nestled down inside an eiderdown comforter in the middle of a king sized bed, sound asleep.
1000 – Same as 0900 – no visible signs of life.
1030 – Himself opens his eyes and yawns
1031 – Himself regrets opening his eyes and closes them again.
1100 – Himself thinks he might be getting hungry.
1115 – Himself is hungry enough to leave the big bed and visit the dish. While there, Himself decides to visit the box. He makes a mess with litter.
1120 – Himself coughs up a giant hairball on the living room rug … and then looks at mama as if to say ..THIS IS JUST FOR YOU!
1121 – Himself feels the need for a bit of variety – so he goes to the guest room and nestles down in the blankees and goes to sleep in the middle of a queen sized bed.
1230 – Himself hears mama making her lunch in the kitchen so he comes to investigate. Mama does not share, so Himself stalks off in a huff.
1235 – Himself visits the box and makes the stinkiest poop the world has ever known and then gets a drink of water and has two bites of the dry food.
1239 – Himself makes one last attempt on mama’s lunch – and manages to stick his stinkee butt in mama’s face in the process
1242 – Himself realizes it is nap time. He goes back to the big bed, which mama has conveniently made up just for him.
1243 – Himself nestles down inside the eiderdown comforter in the middle of the big bed and goes back to sleep.
1330 – Himself awakens, visits the dish, checks out the kitchen counter for crumbs or leavings and then goes to the guest room and nestles down in the blankees for another nap.
1400 – Himself is sleeping deeply and snoring!
Dawnell K. Claessen