My achy breaky heart
May 23rd, 2007 | 
Author: 
Last Monday morning, around 2am.
“You KNOW God is with you right now, right?” .. whispered she from behind me.
In other circumstances I gladly would have engaged in the discussion by informing her that I, in fact, did not know that, and more specifically, that I was pretty sure he wasn’t, and that if he WAS, he wasn’t doing his job.
But this was neither the place nor the time, so I kinda nodded. After all, she was a very nice girl and meant well.
Just before entering a room she stopped and walked up next to me, turned around, grabbed my hand, gazed me in the eyes and said: “Do you want me to pray with you?”
This is always a bit of an embarassing question to a devout atheist like myself, but in this instance even more unsettling, since a) I found myself in a situation where the LAST thing you want to hear is people praying for you, as it usually means there’s nothing else they can do anymore, and b) I just had several people ‘work’ on me, from hooking me up to an EKG, to taking chest X-rays and stabilizing my blood pressure, heart rate and pain (administering nitroglycerine, lopressor and (yummie!) morphine), and now I was ‘supposed’ to be rushed to have a CT scan to look for blood clots, so I found it a bit disturbing that this, undoubtly well meaning, nurse delayed this process by trying to take out some time for praying to God.
I’m fairly sure (not really, since I don’t believe in God) that if God didn’t want me to have this heart attack, I wouldn’t have been here in the first place.
So I responded with something like “Mwnaah”, with that friendly “Maybe not today” look one uses when someone tries to sell you something for a good cause at your door when you’re watching a Spurs playoff game (Go Spurs!).
“Well”, she smiled at me, “be sure that I certainly WILL pray for you!”. Again, friendly as it may have been meant, I didn’t find it very encouraging for my situation.
Then, when she prepared me for the CT scan she happily informed me that I was going to experience the closest thing to female menopause (something about a warm feeling like I had been peeing all over my self (apparently induced by the injected dye liquid) .. ? .. Uhm… okay).
The whole procedure made me think of going through a whirring rotating mini-Stargate.
But that was all.
When she enthousiastically enquired about ‘that’ feeling, I had to tell her that I, truthfully, hadn’t experienced anything of the kind.
She was visibly disappointed by this. She didn’t speak a word while she pushed me back to the ER.
No feeling of peeing all over myself, and no prayer sessions, it must have been a disappointing night for her.
Mine wasn’t too great either: Around 4am I was admitted.
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Paul, here is a phrase you can use in the future for just such an occassion: “Bless your heart, that is alright, I have this one covered”.
And bless YOUR heart. I am sorry you have been ill. Wishing you a speedy recovery and a quick return to better health.
@Deannie, thanks for your well wishes. Much appreciated.
As for your suggested response, I like it, but quite frankly, at the time, I wasn’t quite so sure I had or would indeed ‘cover’ this one.
And in all truthfulness, uttering even a single word was quite troublesome. If this was even a very mild (I’m home already) heart attack, I would HATE to have a serious one, considering how very painful this one was.
Okay… enough self-pity already! Jeepers, Claessen!
I added a picture that my daughter took of me Monday night to my post.
On my chest you can (probably barely) see some wires looping back into that fashionable gown they gave me. One end goes to the various electrodes on my body, the other end to a device in a pocket in forementioned gown. The device sends all my vital signs to a central monitoring site.
Wirelessly!
That meant I wasn’t physically hooked up by a meriad of wires to some monitor, so I was free to toss and turn as I pleased.
Isn’t that wireless shit wonderful?
Paul, I am so sorry to hear of your health problem. I hope it had nothing to do with the shock of seeing Suzi in NYC! Get well soon!
WTF! I mean, heck…
Please take care of yourself!
@Bruce, thanks for your kind comment, and I’m quite sure it, indeed, didn’t have anything to do with seeing Suzi at the Drowsy Chaperone (and getting an unfamiliar looking cell phone pushed in my face with the mysterious comment “Here, for you: it’s Bruce” .. sorry if I sounded a bit ..puzzled?…).
I think I have this bodily protest to my extreme sendentary lifestyle under control for now. As for the coincidence of having a seat righ in front of Suzi in a theatre on Times Square last Friday .. I’m not completely over that yet!
@Jen .. Hey, I was real glad these people were taking care of me instead of myself!
Apparently, I’ve not been doing a very good job lately .. taking care of myself.
😉
He Paul,
This nicely reminds me to ask how someone is doing physically BEFORE starting to babble about work…
Well, ehm don’t do this again 🙂
Get well soon! I’ll come back to your blog to see how you’re doing.
@Rutger .. no worries! You DID ask how life was (‘after’ CNXT). It was me who chose to babble on about the fact that I was still WITH CNXT, rather than giving the more obvious response that I was very glad indeed to still HAVE a life, either ‘with’ or ‘after’ CNXT…
😉
**hugs** I was so scared!
uhg. I was scared as hell when they admitted me for a simple Leptospyrosys, a heart problem would’ve been much worser…
Get well(er) soon Paul!
Paul, if you do that again, I swear I will start praying for you too. You’re warned!!!
@Injun… You? Praying for me? Don’t tempt me, brother!
And btw, I like that phrase “I swear I will start praying…”
@Yuvi .. thanks man! And heck, Leptospirosis isn’t exactly the common cold either! From what I read it’s tought to diagnose and probably lethal if they don’t! Don’t play it down, my friend!
I know all was better when I asked “do you need me to bring you anything”? And your reply was
“well, maybe, my camera”. Teeheee.
Yep. They’re still *not sure* about my status, though I’m feeling quite well off, despite they diagnosed me with Tuberculosis after that 😀
But anything that involves the heart is SCARY. And, I never thought you’d look THAT Old 😀
Paul, stop playing around. Being lazy is one thing, but posting bed side pictures where even your hands are tied behind your back in order to prevent you from doing anything….
Get well soon, you promised to come to the next dpt reunion!
@Laurilee… yeah, we bloggers are tough cookies: always the next post (and picture) in mind…
@Leo W .. Well, ya know, some people simply HAVE to have laziness FORCED upon them every now and then.
And WHEN is that next Dpt reunion? I thought the enthousiasm for a repeat reunion was very low.
But if you have a mini one around Maartje’s and Victor’s fake wedding, then I MIGHT cross the pond and show up!
@Suze .. just between you and me, I was slightly scared myself…
WHEN is not known, but you HAVE to be THERE, so start getting well and we’ll keep you posted. Fake weddings? What’s that? We are still going strong and approaching 25 years. When the holidays are done we probably will have a mini get together on a friday night as always you are welcome too….
@Leo W .. ‘fake’ as in: Maartje en Victor are planning a wedding – party this summer, but they already had their REAL wedding last January…
Anyway… yeah, keep me posted!
What?!!! Didn’t you want to say a pray? (dat rijmt 😀 )
Now I know for sure we’re related. :j
BTW, I did pee myself more than once, but I don’t think that was because of my female menopause. :n
I was only 3 years old! 😛
@Anne-lise.. until now you doubted we were related?
As for peeing yourself .. well.. get ready for experiencing it again.. you’re getting way up there!
Seeing that picture was a shock! Glad to read that you are at home already and doing okay? I hope! Take care of yourself…. I will look for updates…
Dear gods Doc’y’Pooh I said I wanted to see more of you, perhaps I should have been a tad bit more specific. *hugs* Do what you can to get better.
@Susanne .. Hi! What a surprise! 😉
Thanks for stopping by! And I’m already doing much better! Really!